new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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