i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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