i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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