I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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