You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
