the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
