I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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