There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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