you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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