The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
