I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
