she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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