I am puke
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
