im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Come see our sink grown plant.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
