There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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