Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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