Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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