I wannas sexs uuuuu
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
