This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
