We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
