You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
