Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
