I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
