Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
