he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
smell my finger.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
