My room smells like vodka and shame
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
