I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
