You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
