Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
