Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think i got beer on your cat.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
