nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
