i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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