u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
