my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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