Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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