I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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