I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
