You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can I color on your dick again?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
