The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
