So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
