I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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