he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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