I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
