He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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