I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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