I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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