so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
