we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
