I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
