The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
