Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
