I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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