I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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