If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
